


Imagine My Frustration

by Electra_XT



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 14:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19007722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electra_XT/pseuds/Electra_XT
Summary: Klaus has had a crush on Diego since the dawn of time, and he hasn't been subtle— Ben’s heard all about it. So it’s really to be expected that at some point, Diego starts to realize his feelings for a certain even-numbered brother.It’s Ben. Diego has a crush on Ben. Klaus is going to lose his mind.





	Imagine My Frustration

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [ this prompt ](https://umbrellakink.dreamwidth.org/284.html?thread=780828#cmt780828) on umbrellakink!
> 
> Title from the eponymous song by Ella Fitzgerald and Duke Ellington.

“I’ve been thinking about Diego lately,” Klaus says, hanging upside down off Ben’s bed.

_“Quelle surprise,”_ Ben says, turning the page of his book. “Same as usual?”

“Same as usual,” Klaus says dreamily.

It’s always like this. Every Wednesday during rest hour, Klaus wanders into Ben’s room while Ben is reading or working on something or trying to take a nap and he begins his monologue— or rather, he picks up where he left off from last week. If it’s weird for Ben to listen to his brother waxing eloquent about his crush on his other brother, he’s way past trying to fight it. In a way it’s almost comforting to have such a constant thrum of it running through the days and weeks of training. If Dad’s right and the apocalypse does happen, Ben’s convinced that Klaus will pop up out of the rubble behind him and start telling him that Diego is literally the most beautiful human being who’s ever walked the burning remains of the Earth.

“We should ask him to spar with us,” Klaus says. “Then we can, like, look at him.”

“Look at him?” Ben says, looking down at his book.

“Have a _reason_ to look at him,” Klaus corrects himself. “I look at him all the time.”

“I know you do,” Ben says.

“I might literally die if he asks me to pass the salt again at dinner tonight.”

“I’d really prefer it if you didn’t die, because you’re the only one who can conjure dead people,” Ben says. “Not that it wouldn’t be awful if any of us died, but you can, you know. Bring them back.”

“You’d really miss me?” Klaus says.

Sometimes, it’s genuinely impossible to tell if Klaus is being whimsically self-deprecating or if his internal compass is really that fucked over. Ben squints at Klaus over his book. Klaus’s face is thoughtful as his head hangs down off the bed, slowly turning red as all the blood flows down to it.

“If I die, all you have to do is make Diego tell me to wake up and my soul will come hurtling down from the astral realm at the sound of his voice,” Klaus says.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works,” Ben says.

“Wow, Ben, so insightful. Séance 2.0 material right there.”

“I’ll pass,” Ben says, flipping a page. “I have zero interest in conjuring dead people.”

“Me either,” Klaus says. “What are you reading?”

“Do you actually care, or are you just trying to change the subject?” Ben says. 

“Both?”

“‘A Doll’s House,’” Ben says. Pogo had given it to him a few days ago because Ben finished the Chekhov, and it’s… fine. He suspects that if he saw it onstage he’d be captivated, but the pages of the book are dry and brittle and he didn’t get much sleep last night, and he hasn’t been able to make it past the first few pages.

“What’s it about?” Klaus says.

“I don’t know,” Ben says, shutting the cover. “People.”

“Are there dolls?”

“None so far.”

“Is there a house?”

“Yes, there’s a house,” Ben says.

“In my defense, it was a fair question,” Klaus says, “given that there weren’t any dolls.”

“I wasn’t contesting it,” Ben says. He rubs his eyes. Last night, Reginald had woken them all up with the alarm at two in the morning to practice “surprise combat,” but Klaus is still at full rambunctious strength. “How are you not tired?”

“I had six cups of coffee,” Klaus says.

“How?” Ben says. “Isn’t Mom supposed to keep us from endangering our well-being?”

“Aha,” Klaus says. “Well, she is, but she can’t stop me from telling Dad caffeine might enhance my powers.”

“Jesus,” Ben says.

Klaus gives him an upside-down grin. “I think it actually might have done something. Well, the ghosts are same old same old, but I’m so energetic. The walls are vibrating. Did you know I can taste numbers now?”

Ben thinks he knows where this is going.

“The sweetest number,” Klaus says, holding two fingers up in the air, “is _deux—”_

Called it. Ben places his book on the floor and gets up. “I’ve officially hit my weirdness limit,” he says, extending a hand out so Klaus can take it and pull himself upright. “Go bug Allison, I’m going to take a nap.”

“But I like bugging you,” Klaus says. “You’re the only one I can talk to about Diego.”

“If you want to talk about Diego, you can talk to him yourself,” Ben says, steering Klaus towards the door. “I need to sleep.”

“No! I don’t want him to think I’m annoying!”

“You _are,”_ Ben says. Klaus looks wounded, so Ben pats him on the shoulder. “I’ll see you at dinner, unless you faint from anticipation that Diego might ask you to pass the salt.”

“I very well might,” Klaus says. The manic light is somewhat restored in his eyes, and Ben pushes him lovingly out of his room and shuts the door behind him.

 

—

 

“Hey, guys,” Diego says, sitting down next to Ben on the edge of the stairs.

_“Hi,”_ Klaus says. 

Diego gives him a puzzled look, and then he looks over at Ben. “How’s it going?”

“It’s okay,” Ben says. “Pogo said to tell you Dad’s finishing some tests with Luther and Allison, so we have to wait for training until he’s done. It’ll be like fifteen minutes.”

“Sure,” Diego says, running his fingers through his hair. “So, uh. What have you been up to?”

“Not much,” Klaus says. He clears his throat and makes his voice lower, more sultry. “Not much at all. What about you?”

“You read anything interesting lately?” Diego asks Ben.

“A Doll’s House,” Klaus says, fast as lightning before Ben can even open his mouth. “It doesn’t have dolls in it, but there’s a house. It’s pretty deep like that.”

“Huh,” Diego says, raising his eyebrows. “Never pegged you as much of a reader, Klaus.”

“I can be a lot of things,” Klaus says, giving Diego what Ben hopes against hope isn’t supposed to be a smoldering look. “Many things to many people, that’s what they say.”

“You stole that book from my bedroom floor,” Ben says, reaching down to poke Klaus out of his reverie.

“He did?” Diego says.

“Yeah,” Ben says, looking up at Diego. “He’s in there bugging me all the time.”

“He is?”

“But Ben doesn’t have a monopoly on me or anything,” Klaus interjects. “Ha! I mean, if you wanted me to come bug you in your bedroom, I’d, you know, I’d do that.”

“What’s it about?” Diego asks Ben.

“It’s really about spending time with him,” Klaus says. “But I love spending time with _all_ of my siblings, so I’d genuinely be happy to—”

“Uh, I meant the book,” Diego says, eyeing Klaus, “and I was kinda asking Ben.”

“It’s fine,” Ben says. Diego’s looking at him intently, and there’s something off about this that Ben can’t quite place.

“Just fine?” Diego says.

“I preferred the one I was reading before,” Ben says. His mouth is dry. 

“Oh, yeah, ‘The Three Sisters,’” Diego says.

Klaus lifts his head up quickly. “How do you remember that?”

“That’s the one,” Ben says, and he swallows. 

“Ben was talking me about it,” Diego says, stretching. Klaus’s eyes widen as Diego’s shirt rides up, revealing a slice of his toned stomach. “That’s the Russian one that ends with the duel, right?”

Ben had maybe mentioned it to Diego once, when they were stuck on the sidelines during training while Reginald lectured Klaus about bad form, and he definitely did not mention any point of the plot, least of all the duel.

Something’s going on here.

“I’ve been reading it,” Diego says. “No big deal. Just, you know. Something I do sometimes.”

“Why?” Klaus says, eyes narrowing.

“I thought it might be interesting,” Diego says. His face is red, and he looks at Ben. “You liked it, right?”

“I did,” Ben says. “Did you?”

Klaus is looking back and forth between Diego and Ben, but mostly at Diego. “Did _you?”_

“It was okay,” Diego says. “Pretty sad.”

“I actually kind of like the tragedy aspect,” Ben says. All eyes are on him now, and he shifts. “You think it could be fixed if you just changed one part of it, but the closer you look, the more you realize the situation’s fucked on every level. Like, the middle sister, Masha— she’s married to this guy Kulygin, and he loves her, but she doesn’t love him, but her sister Olga does love him, but Olga’s not married to anyone, and that could be a whole play but it’s just one tiny piece of the puzzle and it’s not even the main plot.”

“I literally cannot imagine anything more heartbreaking than misplaced affections,” Klaus says.

“That’s deep,” Diego says. “Damn, Ben, you’ve got some thoughts.”

Ben finds himself looking Diego in the eye. He can’t tear himself away. Diego’s looking at him too, avid and overwhelmed, and the air in the room is too warm, and suddenly Ben _realizes_ and it’s like all the blood in his body lurches to a halt in his veins.

Oh, no. No way.

 

—

 

Diego comes down to dinner that night in the world’s thinnest tank top and Klaus honest-to-God whimpers. Diego glances down at him with half a smile, and then he looks up at Ben. Ben raises his eyebrows and tries not to pay attention to the way the fabric clings tight to Diego’s body, skimming his pecs, and the way it shows off his bare arms. Diego raises a hand in self-conscious greeting, and Ben blinks.

“Hey,” Diego says.

“Hello, Diego,” Klaus squeaks. “Would you like me to pass you the salt?”

It’s the longest meal Ben has ever sat through in his life.

 

—

 

Six pairs of eyes follow Reginald as he places his napkin on the table, stands up, and pushes his chair in.

“Children, you may be excused from the table for your half-hour of digestion and relaxation,” he says. “Except the two of you on the scullery rotation this evening, which would be—?”

“Klaus and Ben,” Grace supplies smoothly, standing by his side.

“Number Four, Number Six,” Reginald says, clapping his hands together. “Proceed to the kitchen. The rest of you disperse. I expect to see all of you promptly at eight o’clock for a debrief of last night’s drills.”

Everyone gets up from the table, murmuring. Klaus and Ben look at each other and Ben is struck by fatigue at the prospect of washing dishes with an incoherent Klaus high on Diego, but then Diego ventures towards them.

“I can take dish duty,” he says, eyes darting toward Ben.

“Holy Christ,” Klaus says. “Wow, I mean, it would be my pleasure to wash dishes with you, Diego. Truly, truly pleasurable.”

“Actually, uh, you can go,” Diego says. He’s looking at Klaus, but his body’s angled towards Ben. “I gotta talk to Ben about something.”

“Do you,” Ben says weakly. He can feel Klaus’s incendiary eyes on the back of his neck, but he’s not going to look at him. “Sure. It won’t take long, Klaus, we’ll be back soon.”

“Fine,” Klaus says, stepping back. He pauses to ogle Diego again, up and down. “Well, have fun, you two. Diego, it sure would be a shame if some dish water splashed up on that piece of tissue paper you’re passing off as a shirt and it got all wet and see-through.”

“What the hell?” Diego says.

“Goodbye, Klaus,” Ben says, ears flaming.

“A tragedy if that happened and I didn’t hear about it afterwards in loving detail,” Klaus says, staring daggers at Ben.

“Oh my _God,”_ Ben says, turning away. “Sorry, Diego. Let’s go.”

Diego’s bare arm brushes against him. Ben looks up and suddenly Diego’s close to him, close enough for Ben to feel his body heat.

“Can I ask you something?” Diego says.

 

— 

 

“He _what?”_ Klaus shrieks.

“Keep your voice down!” Ben says. “He just— he asked if I wanted to sneak out and meet him tonight, okay?”

“Can I come?” Klaus says. “Oh my God. Can I come?”

“He said he wanted to meet me alone,” Ben says. Diego’s eyes were so wide when he’d asked him, like he was scared, even though Ben was sure he’d been trying to play it cool.

“I can’t believe it,” Klaus says, getting up and walking over to Ben’s bookshelf. “One, he read your boring book. Two, no pun intended, he offered to do the dishes with you. And now, three, he asks you to come meet him _in secret at night_ and you’re supposed to come alone. Alone!”

To be honest, Ben still can’t quite believe it either. Diego had been… it was an interesting experience, for sure. He’d heard so much from Klaus— _so much—_ about Diego’s inescapable masculine charisma, his allure in every conceivable way, but he’d never really tried to understand it. He’d had no reason to and he was honestly probably happier that way. But now he’s seen Diego up close and he can’t stop thinking about Diego’s long eyelashes and hesitant face and dumb showoff exterior, and he’d be lying if he said the whole intoxicating scenario wasn’t starting to get to his head.

“So can I come?” Klaus says.

“No,” Ben says.

“Why not?” Klaus says, turning around. “It’s not like you like him or anything, I’m the one who likes him, he needs to know that he’s wasting his time on you—”

“Who said he’s wasting his time?” Ben says.

Klaus stops.

Ben shifts, uncomfortable. “I don’t know, Klaus, I don’t think you should come. It’s private.”

“Do you like him?” Klaus says.

Diego had looked so hopeful when he’d asked.

“I mean, you said it yourself,” Ben says. He swallows. “He’s hard to resist.”

“No,” Klaus says. He shakes his head. “No, this can’t be happening. You’re not even gay, are you?”

“Oh man,” Ben says. “Klaus, you do know that there’s room in this household for more than one gay sibling, right?”

“Yeah, me and Diego,” Klaus says. “Ben, you cannot seriously be considering going through with this.”

“I’m going to go,” Ben says.

“He’s mine,” Klaus says. “I called him, like, two years ago, this isn’t fair—”

Ben draws in a deep breath to center himself and close off the annoyance that’s rising up in him like the Horror. Klaus doesn’t mean to be this much of a brat. Or he does, but he doesn’t mean to cut Ben so deeply, to threaten to strangle the one good hopeful thing that’s happened to Ben in the last month. Klaus’s eyes are huge with wrath, but he looks so helpless, too, a sad kitten who’s lost his favorite yarn. Ben sighs.

“I know how much you care about him,” he says.

“Care about him?” Klaus’s voice cracks. “I’ve been dreaming about him. He’s so beautiful. And so strong and perfect and everything I want and he’s not into me and I don’t know what I did— what I did wrong.”

“Oh, no,” Ben says, “Klaus, you didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out with someone. You know that, right?”

“I tried so hard,” Klaus says. “I did everything I could, but he doesn’t like me.”

“He still likes you as a brother,” Ben says.

“Yeah, but that’s not what I meant,” Klaus says. “You know he’s going to try to kiss you, right? He’s going to take you up to the greenhouse and then he’s going to trace his perfect hand along your cheek and lean in really close and kiss you with his gorgeous mouth. Is that what you want, Ben? Is it?”

Klaus has thought about this way too much. Ben blinks, trying to chase away the image, but his heart’s beating too fast.

“It is,” Klaus says, horrified. “Oh my God. You like him. _You_ like him. You like _him._ You _like him.”_

“You don’t have to think I’m the perfect person for him,” Ben says. “Nobody’s perfect, right? Not you, not me, not Diego—”

“A little bit Diego,” Klaus says.

Ben rolls his eyes. “No more than you or me.”

“No, but like, his body,” Klaus says, gesturing in the air. “You have to agree it’s a tiny bit more perfect than average.”

“Fine, he’s— he’s good-looking,” Ben says. “Can we not talk about that?”

“If we’re talking about Diego, it’s a relevant fact,” Klaus says. “The sky is blue, the sun is yellow, Diego is objectively the most attractive person I’ve ever met.”

“The sun’s white,” Ben says.

“I really don’t think it is,” Klaus says.

Ben’s about to set Klaus straight— the sun is all colors of light mixed together so it has to appear white— but Klaus rubs his eyes and Ben sees a smear of wet mascara and hears a sniffle.

“Hey, come here,” Ben says, and Klaus looks up. Ben holds out his arms in an awkward attempt at a hug and Klaus falls forward effortlessly, sagging down against Ben’s chest. Ben pats his curls.

“It’s rough,” Ben says.

“Excruciating,” Klaus mumbles. “Does he know I like him?”

“I,” Ben says. “Yeah, um, you made that pretty obvious.”

“Does everybody know?”

Over Klaus’s head, Ben squints, thinking hard.

“Dad doesn’t know,” he says. “Grace doesn’t know. Five doesn’t know.”

“Oh my God,” Klaus says, pulling back. “They all know. And they all know he turned me down.”

“I don’t really think they care that much,” Ben says.

Klaus holds out his hand, counting off the names on his fingers. “Diego, Luther, Allison, you— wait, Vanya?”

Ben nods.

“Ugh,” Klaus says. “How?”

“We all eat dinner together every night,” Ben says.

“Five doesn’t know because he’s gone,” Klaus says, switching to a new hand, “and Dad’s Dad, and Grace is a robot. Wait. Ben. _Pogo?”_

“Pogo knows a lot,” Ben says awkwardly.

Klaus lets out a little whimper. Ben pulls him into his hug again and Klaus sniffles.

“Can I convince you to not go?” he says.

“No,” Ben says.

“Can I convince you to let me go with you?”

“Somehow even more no.”

Klaus looks up at him. “Really?”

“I don’t want to ruin it,” Ben says. He’s not even trying to… want it. It would be so much easier if he could just gently push Diego away, but then he’d have to see Diego’s crestfallen face, and he’d miss out on the flutter in his chest whenever he thinks about tonight after lights-out. “Come on, Klaus, you know you have to let me do this.”

“Yeah, I know,” Klaus says. “I’m mourning.”

“I’m aware,” Ben says.

“You can go,” Klaus says, letting go of Ben. He wipes his eye with the collar of his shirt, and mascara smears on the fabric. 

“Thanks,” Ben says. “It’d suck if you started hating me over this.”

“It really would,” Klaus says. “Can you do one thing for me, though?”

“Extremely tentative and conditional maybe,” Ben says.

“Can you feel his abs and report back?” Klaus says. “On a scale of divine to ten thousand simultaneous orgasms, in detail.”

“I don’t think it’ll come up,” Ben says, biting his lips to keep from laughing.

“No, no, it will,” Klaus says. “When he’s kissing you, because he’s definitely going to kiss you and you need to be prepared, stop making that face— just slip your hand up in there, sneak a little feel.”

“Nope,” Ben says, “not going to harass Diego for you, sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Klaus says. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to share him with anyone either. If I had him. Which I don’t. Not that it matters.”

Ben looks at him, and then he just shakes his head. 

“What?” Klaus says.

“Some guy is going to get really lucky with you, Klaus,” Ben says. “Either really lucky or really cursed.”

“Why?”

“You think about this stuff so much,” Ben says. It’s hard to imagine taking the full force of Klaus’s laser beam of lust. “Someday, you’re going to find some guy who thinks about you just as much as you think about him, and then you’re going to be creepily obsessed and in love with each other forever.”

“You think so?” Klaus says.

“I do,” Ben says, even though it’s hard to believe there’s room on Earth for more than one Klaus.

“Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent,” Ben says.

Outside the door, there’s a knock. Ben and Klaus look at each other and turn quickly.

“Ben?” Grace’s voice calls. There’s the ring of the dinner bell. “Are you and Klaus in there? It’s time for dinner.”

“We’ll be down,” Ben calls, and Klaus visibly exhales. _I thought it was Diego,_ he mouths, and Ben rolls his eyes. “Let’s go,” he says. “No risk of you fainting over Diego asking you to pass the salt now, right?”

“A little risk,” Klaus says. “Very tiny risk if he flexes in the right direction.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Ben says, towing him up. “Come on.”

“Hey, you should be the one fainting over whether Diego’s going to pass you the salt or not,” Klaus says, smoothing out his shirt. He points at Ben. “This should be a real fear for you! If you’re the one thirsting over Diego now, I can teach you everything you need to know, you have to be vigilant—”

“I’ll be fine,” Ben says. “And you’ll be fine.”

“We’ll see,” Klaus says.

“We’ll be fine,” Ben says, and he drags Klaus out into the hall. He shuts the door. “All right?”

Klaus’s eyes have gone wide and he shakes his head frantically.

“Hey, Ben,” Diego says, and Ben turns around. “Hey, Klaus.”

“What’re you doing here?” Klaus says. “Wait, how long have you been out here?”

“I was just seeing if you were coming down to dinner,” Diego says. He extends an arm. “You wanna go?”

Ben looks at Klaus, and Klaus nods solemnly. Ben takes Diego’s arm, even though it’s more than a little stupid, and Klaus turns around to head off down the stairs.

“Hey, where are you going?” Diego says.

“Some of us still have to go to dinner,” Klaus says, looking back at them.

Diego holds out his other arm and Klaus’s eyes widen. 

“Come on, bud,” Diego says. “I got room for one more.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me about TUA on [ Tumblr! ](https://electra-xt.tumblr.com/)


End file.
